If I only knew then...

My dear husband and I were having one of those conversations...you know...if only I knew then what I know now....

It got me thinking about some of "those things" in my life...

If I only knew that I wasn't actually going to marry any of those boys
I wouldn't have wasted so much time (and so many tears) on them.

If I only knew then that I would spend the next half of my life exhausted...
I might not have stayed up so late at night.

If I only knew then that I would one day be a homeschool mom...
I might have chosen a different major in college
(although my nursing degree occasionally comes in handy as a mom).

If I only knew then that it was only a test...
I would not have treated it as if it was the end of the world.

If I only knew then that one day I would have to give an account for every word I have spoken...I would have chosen my words more carefully.

If I only knew then that my best friend would never make it to her high school graduation day...
I would have made up with her after our last fight.

And you would think that after that...I might have learned my lesson...

But instead...

If I had only known that I would never hear my mother-in-law's voice again...
I definitely would have answered the phone the day she called.
She called to ask for my P.O. Box #.
Instead, I was busy and chose to ignore the call on my cell phone.
And then delete the message intending to call her back.
And then...the next day...she was in a plane crash with my father-in-law.
And now...she is in a coma.
I never answered her call and I never called her back.
I am sorry, mom. Very sorry.

Apparently, she must have gotten our address from someone else because a week after the accident...I received a package in the mail from her. Some beautiful gifts she had picked out just for me. She sent them the morning of the accident.

If I only knew then...I would have answered the phone and told her how much I appreciate her. Now all I can do is tell her how much I miss her over the phone.
And she cannot respond. I am sorry, mom. Very sorry.

So....

Wait for your one true love,
take a nap,
take the test but don't stress over it,
always keep the bigger picture in mind

And if you love someone...tell them. Today. Answer the call. Or make one yourself. Tell your loved ones you appreciate them. Hug your babies and kiss your husband and never let the day get away from you.

You might not get another one...

Leah