When She is Sad...

I have the most precious 6 year old (almost 7, yikes) daughter in the world. She is beautiful, smart, funny, talented, very helpful and has more love for Jesus than I could ever imagine having. She longs to ride her bike up and down the streets of our small town, telling people about Jesus. You have no idea how much I love this precious little girl.

And yet, she is sad. Grandma has been in a coma for 7 months now. In case you missed it, my in-laws were in a terrible plane crash back in July of last year. They were flying from Colorado back home to San Diego via New Mexico. They had weather difficulties in New Mexico and crashed. My father-in-law sustained serious injuries but was released from the hospital a few days later. My mother-in-law was in a coma and on a ventilator in New Mexico for several weeks. They were able to transfer her to a rehab facility in San Diego and eventually back to her home where she is receiving in-home care. To date, she is breathing completely on her own. She opens her left eye and even tries to speak. She eats some pureed foods by mouth but otherwise has a g-tube for feeding. There is great debate over whether or not she is actually in a coma...but that is what we say to keep it simple.

We went to visit the beginning of November and it was very hard on Nicole. Well, it was very hard on all of us. This precious woman who is so lively and constantly moving...was bound to a chair and unable to move. She would occasionally, when holding your hand, not let go. There was a day when she tried so hard to speak that it broke my heart. I liken it to being trapped in a prison. The kids sang for her and drew her pictures and Nicole would go with Wolfie just to sit with her and care for her. While we were there, Nicole had dreams that Grandma woke up and spoke to her. I secretly prayed for them to be prophetic. They were not.

And so, 7 months later...we are still waiting. We are praying for a miracle. That she will "wake up" and be restored to her old self. This would take a full-on miracle and we KNOW that God is capable. What we don't know is if that is His plan. And it is hard to wait.

Nicole has been struggling again lately. She is having dreams again - dreams that Grandma wakes up and that they go to church together. That they are hiking together in the mountains. Sometimes, when we are driving in the car she will start to cry - because (God) Elohim's creation is so beautiful and she is not sure that Grandma will ever be able to see it again. She tells me that her heart is sad and that she just doesn't know what to do to make it happy again. She says it will never be the same without Grandma to share it with. We hold her, distract her, and cry with her...but beyond that I just don't know what to say. I encourage her to pray, which she does...but I am afraid that (what seems to her) unanswered prays will shake her unshakable faith.

This morning, Josh and Nicole had a discussion about Grandma. Josh confidently stated that he thinks Jesus is going to take her to heaven. Soon. Nicole cried. Josh said, "but Nicole...in heaven her brain will be healed and she will be like the old Grandma you liked to play with." This is coming for a 5 year old who KNOWS without a doubt that his speech and his food allergies will be HEALED when he gets to heaven. If he had it his way, I think he'd be there today.

There is something about the in-between that makes it really hard to grieve. She is not dead, she is not in heaven...rejoicing with YHWH. She is suffering. And it isn't fair. And yet YHWH remains faithful in our suffering.

Will you please pray for my little girl, that somehow Elohim (God) would comfort her in her suffering? That He would make her faith stronger through this and not let her doubt? And for us...that we will know how to meet her needs and comfort her when she is sad? Thank you, dear friends.


PS: you can follow my mother-in-law's recovery here http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/barbarakaiser2010

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